at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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