what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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