He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sext me about skeletons
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
