I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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