I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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