I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize