There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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