That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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