life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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