My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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