"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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