i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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