Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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