Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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