OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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