Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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