Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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