He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are all done wearing pants today
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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