Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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