I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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