I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize