Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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