Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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