He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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