my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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