I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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