WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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