12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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