btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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