so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have aggressive nipples.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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