A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize