apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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