How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize