Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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