Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
