the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize