He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize