Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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