the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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