Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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