just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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