Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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