This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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