my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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