Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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