holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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