I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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