Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
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Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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