They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize