Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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